So this is from the third comment, the one I pasted from an email. All of the "note:" sections are from the respondent. The bold numbers following some of the answers are her ratings for the (b) answers that she listed as tens. For these numbers, 1 is her top priority rather than the higher numbers meaning a heavier weighting.
By this point, I am starting to feel very solid on what I want my items to address, so I may be ready to rewrite them after writing Profile 3.
1E. a. 4 b. 6
Note: This feels oddly competitive. Is there another way to phrase it?
9E. a. 4 b. 5
16E.a. 8 b. 10 (5)
Laughter, fun, curiosity. Yes, this phrasing is comparative. A Zen koan asks, "At the top of a 100-foot pole, what is your next step?" I am curious to know whether feeling oddly competitive about this item is a sign of a certain type of hesitation or just good feedback. Most of us learn to censor our emotional responses to such a great degree that the drive towards genuine spontaneity becomes part of what we need to untangle and express as adults. (I will certainly have to decide on whether or not to keep this unpopular phrasing.)
What stands out to me here is that the curiosity item, 16, is rated as much higher than those for laughter and fun. That tells me I probably need to look at my word choice. But a flag goes up, and I wonder whether this individual's playfulness has been pushed into the intellectual/verbal realm too much.
7P(R). a. 6 b. 8
14P. a. 3 b. 4 Note: Sounds pretty dang rigid to me. See George W. Bush for details.
17P. a. 4 b. 10 (9)
Note: I’m having a reaction to “everything”. What about “important” “critical”
”essential” or something. Or even – without discipline, very little is accomplished…
Mental avoidance, setting one's mind, and discipline. The responses to this section make me wonder about this person's sense of certainty. There's a negative reaction to the "everything" in "Discipline is everything", but not to the "anything" in "I avoid thinking about anything that makes me uncomfortable." Number 7, the item on avoidance is the only one that I would score in reverse--that I'd expect folks to not see this as a strength. (That may be another item on which I could improve the phrasing.) What's more, avoiding is not only ranked higher in the (a) column than the (a) scores for discipline and setting one's mind, but the only other (a)score that low is number 19: "I am very aware of my own emotions and others' emotions without feeling overwhelmed by emotions." Are my items phrased well enough here? Does this really mean that discipline and mental persistence and emotional awareness/equanimity are low while avoidance is high? Well, that is a question to ask directly. How much is this culturally supported out here on the West Coast, and how much of this is trouble differentiating decisiveness (yes, being the Decider) from rigidity? The response for #19 looks like evidence, but if this were Clue, I'd suspect without accusing...just yet.
3U. a. 7 b. 8
Note – this is a little difficult in terms of distinguishing how I think LIFE is, and how I think I am…..
11U. a. 6 b. 9
21U. a. 6 b. 9
Planning, intentional relaxing, and complicated problems. Uh-oh. More evidence. Dealing with complicated problems, 21(a), is listed as a 6. That's the second-highest (a) score this person was willing to claim consistently--other than the only 8, which concerned curiosity. Curious, willing to think about complicated problems, and good at mentally avoiding anything uncomfortable. We might have a strong mind here with a gentle soul. Gentle is fine, sometimes good, but I really wonder about centering, strength, certainty, and resilience. I've met fragile people who are surprisingly resilient, so that is not my first concern--decisiveness and persistence are. (The strengths part is coming up.)
5A. a. 7 b. 7
Note: This is interesting. I think in my case, I would prefer to feel that I am focused more on one thing at a time, or able to prioritize better, and multi-tasking less.
10A. a. 7 b. 10 (8)
19A. a. 3 b. 10 (7)
Multi-tasking, integration, and emotional awareness/equanimity. This note on 5 supports where I've been headed with this profile. That makes the meaning of #19 increasingly important; do you get a low score for awareness of emotions or for being easily overwhelmed? Prioritizing and decisiveness should be simple enough if one is willing to consider complicated problems without difficulty. But that avoidance thing comes back in. While a psychoanalyst might head in the direction of father issues and dominance/authority, we can instead look at familiarity with a focused state of mind and strength of focus. I'm not against that sort of historical psychoanalytic delving, but we have choices about how to address ourselves and our lives. Rather than running off to "confront" someone, we might confront mind itself.
The three (a) scores for this section have a wide range for this person's responses. Item 16 stands out from that group by a wide range as well, but that seems to be simply because of the safety involved with intellectualizing. There might be a very strong connection between this person's apparent lack of identification with the Purpose level and wide range of scores at the level of Appreciation and mindfulness here. Mindfulness may be somewhat lacking in potency if concentration is weak. Concentration tends to be weak when emotional certainty does not back it up.
Shift gears with me. When we compare the rankings of what she finds important right now (bold numbers following her other scores), we see the top four in the higher/subtler levels of Clarity and Nonconceptuality. We can also see that her Clarity level scores--6(a), 8(a), and 13(a)--are consistent and high. She rates only her curiosity as higher. This consistency is remarkable and certainly related to her high value on inspiration. There is also a very consistent rating of (a) scores through the levels of Understanding (#s 3, 11, 21) and Appreciation (#s 5, 10, and 19).
This profile, then, is light in the ass so to speak. It's also very hopeful. It looks like all the tools, except mostly concentration, are available for a comparatively inspired life. But to give that inspiration more staying power, it will take working on power.
The top priority, #20, "I can actually feel strongly that my soul is close to God," is listed as an (a) of only 4, low for this respondent. This probably shows some degree of idealization, of wanting to lean into something good and perfect, someone good and perfect and strong (perhaps inhuman and untouchable and therefore unassailable), as well as a significant sense of lack in that area. How much of this desire can be answered by knowing what one wants from oneself and others, knowing what is possible from/with oneself and others? (The comment for #12 (near the bottom) is very suggestive as well.)
That's probably enough for putting up on the Internet. The next step with this person is to find out whether she uses her meditation as avoidance-time for fluffy feeling-states and imaginings or for intentional relaxation (which would be helpful and enjoyable). From there, it becomes a process of figuring out how to toughen up without getting callous. With anyone who has a strong rejection of the Purpose level states, it usually takes kid gloves to find out in which ways they are willing to "take their medicine". It looks like the medicine here is all about gaining certainty by doing one's work, experiencing and affirming the positive Purpose-level feeling-states like confidence. It looks like there is only a little "misguidedness" to clear up--less about one more intellectual endeavor/distraction and more about feeling power.
6C. a. 7 b. 10 (3)
8C. a. 7 b. 10 (2)
13C. a. 7 b. 9
2N. a. 6 b. 10 (4)
15N. a. 6 b. 9
20N. a. 4 b. 10 (1)
4*. a. 5 b. 8
12*. a.xx b. xx
Note: Hmmmm – if God is everything, yes. But,I do believe there is evil and unkindness in the world. And misguidedness. I’m not sure how that fits in. I think that I prefer the definition of God as the ultimate good, and in that case, I would be a firm no on all action being done by God. But I don’t know how that fits with the 1-10 rating, either personally or where I wish to go…
18*. a. 4 b. 10 (6)
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