Profile 2: Second Verse

E: Overall, what if a person conceptualized their spirituality or summarized their spiritual path in a paragraph to complement the survey?
T:That's one way of going at it. I am considering giving people a few options to choose from so that there is a write-in section where people get to fill in the blanks. I was thinking about asking for two stories that show something you want to change about yourself, three that add to that picture that show what you are proud of, and two more that round things out. I think I'll have to ask about who gets more out of reading and writing versus who gets more out of actually telling their story in conversation.

E: In your commentary on part one, I'll confirm that it’s the comparative phrasing that I was aversive to. But that would give us something to talk about if we were in a follow up session. Or you could tweak the phrasing.
T:One of the things that really stands out with aspirations is idealization (you give an example below). I think there has to be both room for disagreement--which will involve some unpopular bubble-bursting on all sides--as well as actual grit, for traction. I'm wondering whether it is good to keep this phrasing because when respondents go so far as to remark on it, that's worth noting. It could mean a few different things, but it might be worth having that comparative phrasing. I have to think about it and get more comments from more people.

E: Given your commentary for the second section, are you saying that my lower Part “b” answers can be accounted for because I’m female? I would like to work on discipline; I feel I’ve declined from the level of intensity that I maintained two years ago; I see the effects in my career progress and my body.
T:I'd not go so far as to say "accounted for", concerning those Purpose level responses. "Affected by" fits--just as my responses are affected by my experience as a male/man. I think that women are more likely, based on social upbringing and probably neurophysiology, to need to make more of a point (on average) to work at improving at that level if they choose to. And they might be more likely to undervalue that level. Men seem more likely, based on social upbringing and neurophysiology, to need to make more of a point (on average) to work at improving appreciation and emotional integration (which can be significantly supported by mindfulness practice). Of course, your own experience is more relevant to you than any theorizing, supported by evidence or otherwise. Being on the fanatical side of intensity (for you) a couple years back gives you direct experience in where the center, the balance is...for you. To check on whether I might be right about the gender stuff, see if you can empathize and relate with guys you have difficulty connecting with by recognizing that they are simply sometimes operating from a reliance on discipline and drive rather than relying on intentional relaxation (that they probably have not developed) and mindfulness along with emotional integration. You might already be better at emotional awareness and speaking about emotions than they are; the midway point is shared understanding and intentional relaxation. There's a lot more to say on this subject.

E: With a smile, I can confirm that your commentary for section three is an accurate interpretation of where I’m at-- the forefront as an example is with my career path. I’m seeing a career counselor (tonight was our fourth session), and I’m allowing the ambiguity of whether or not it’s helpful or producing "results" and just doing the work. In general, spontaneity thinly veils my being arrested or procrastinating (but not due to laziness but fear) in “career” planning. Planning and stick-to-itiveness are skills I want to develop in this area. I am aware of possibility.
T:Yeah, the Purpose and Understanding stuff go hand in hand. Although, at the further level of Appreciation, mindfulness and being able to maintain equanimity in the face of ambiguity is really important, if it has a weak base, it will be weak or off-target. Plenty of people miss what spontaneity actually is by distracting themselves (okay, ourselves). That's a Purpose-level, immature defense mechanism. When my purported "spontaneity" involves mental avoidance, it's probably closer to impulsivity than authentic spontaneity. The planning needs to be built on healthy discipline if you want it to be consistent rather than simply intense.

E: Commentary for Section four is also accurate. I’ll confirm that rather than unaware, I am aware and easily overwhelmed (though leaps and bounds more balanced and equinimous than, say, five years ago). So rather than full-blown panic attacks and pulling out my hair, I can, even after freak out, try to direct my attention back to tracking anxiety in my body and thoughts. After 20 minutes of focusing on tracking, they start to disappear.
T:Yup. This is also where having a strong career path lends to a strong social identity--very foundational for one's self identity. And since we are talking about the maturation of self-identity (since actual self may already be whatever it needs to be), a strong self-identity allows for backbone and flexibility. Having a strong self identity and being able to communicate that to others without double messaging lets us figure out what we can and cannot do for others. So it looks like you're putting the pieces together. Actually getting a little more of the Purpose level and Understanding level stuff together will set up your mindfulness/openness to let you sort of unfold into inspiration. For many people, inspiration is like happiness in that, if you work for it directly, you won't get it; but, if you work for the things that support it, it seems natural, maybe even unavoidable.

E: Your commentary in Section five makes sense and is agreeable. In the past I would have disagreed and pushed (and probably did). I went through a 2 year period of mostly consuming/reading than doing. Now I’m doing and with some consistency. A lot of the reading is falling away, not as unimportant but not relevant or necessary. A lot of what felt mystical falls away and consistent skills and strategies remain. Consistent tools of mindfulness. So it makes sense that growing into/ exploring mindful appreciation would be a focus.
T:One of the biggest differences between me and most people I've heard talk about mindfulness is that I emphasize that mindfulness is the basis for consistent inspiration when it is applied as mindful appreciation. That mindful appreciation allows attention to easily flow into a sense of unhindered-if-still-directed inspiration. Social identity is very important. Monks and professional athletes, surgeons, etc., all have very strong roles on which to base relatively stable social identities--roles that encourage the sort of focus that leads to flow states. For the rest of us, we will have to decide whether our professional roles are strong enough to allow that sort of focus...or we might look for that sort of focus in other areas of our lives. The sufi saint, Rabia said, "I gave up teaching because it is easier to fly peeling potatoes." For her, the activity of peeling potatoes gave her that pinpoint focus. For others, teaching is really their thing. Once we experience flow enough, especially if we experience it in different situations, we can begin to accurately identify (not completely, but authentically) as flow. It is very inspiring to know this is in me, in potential at least in every moment. This inspiration is our human birthright and we all feel, if having a hard time admitting to ourselves, that settling for less than inspiration is demeaning to ourselves and a diminishment of the human spirit.

Now, that's a hard pill to swallow. If you're not consistently inspired, you are neither accepting your "natural" birthright nor furthering human culture. As my good friend Steven says, though, "Take your medicine." Most of us have some sort of ideal self, a sense of who we'd like to be. When we don't live up to that ideal, we kick ourselves for it. We can be brutal. Being consistently aware of just how often and how far we are from that ideal can be crushing, so most people find ways of hiding or smudging that awareness. So what do we need in order to be able to swallow this pill? Well, I've already said it but it bears repeating. In order to handle what otherwise would be the mental strain of that awareness, some people deny their ideals and others become workaholics or religious fanatics or whatever. Instead of those methods, I recommend incorporating: the playful exuberance we are born with; the confidence that comes with concentration, discipline, and a sense of purpose (our purpose as humans is to become inspired); the basis--not fortress or prison--of a solid understanding along with the ability to relax when our minds spin nearly out of control; the mindful appreciation of our situation as human beings with unlimited potential that comes with personal integration and acceptance of emotionality and mortality; and the clarity and inspiration that come of identifying oneself with flow, openness, freedom.

There is another Sufi question/story that I always remember. One guy asks another, "Why is it that God makes his saints to look like everyday people?" And the answer is something like, "So that you will learn to treat every one you meet as one of God's saints." The integration of these aspects of human potential into our everyday lives allows us to do that. Even without the integration, we sometimes stumble upon it anyway. Your pushing for more than mindful appreciation was both the sign that you have the drive that is necessary for "spiritual" progress and the "spiritual" desire for what is yours. Claim it. It has been wonderful to work with you and learn with you.