Solid, but Nimble (It's All Very Curious!)

Very peaceful today. As my understanding of what mindfulness is is really coming to fruition (years after beginning to work on it), the solidity of understanding fits with the balance and clarity (which mindfulness supports) to relax a lot of unnecessary personal agitation. Whereas I knew how to relax before, I didn't really get it that soothing or relaxation can occur--which is better than just being stressed out--but without necessarily building towards progress the way mindfulness does. I had a hunch before, and it's coming clearer now.

Working with the book MAHAMUDRA THE MOONLIGHT: QUINTESSENCE OF MIND AND MEDITATION (kind of advanced, a better introduction to Mahamudra is MIND AT EASE), the differentiation between a gradual path and an immediate or lightning "path" came to the fore again. I've always wondered--if IT can happen immediately, why wait, why go slow? You run into all these sectarian disagreements, too, about what's the best way to go about personal progress or, in more Buddhist terms, what's the best way to go about something along the lines of enlightenment or insight into anatta? Besides disagreements, there are also warnings: "The great medicine for seekers of gradual illumination becomes a poison for the seekers of instantaneous illumination. The great medicine for seekers of instantaneous illumination becomes a poison for the seekers of gradual illumination." (From the AHAPRAMANASAMYAK, quoted on p.145 of MTM).

So somewhere between true self and no-self, there's poison from both sides, but illumination if I just happen to get lucky?! Pick your poison, right? I just want to know what works! Ha, ha, ha!

Here's how it seems to me now. If you learn to relax a sense of agitation when you notice agitation, that's intentional relaxation. But if you just try to focus by avoiding agitation or applying an antidote to agitation, you might get sleepy, distracted, or bored. This is where a lot of people have a hard time meditating or feeling motivated to meditate, and plenty of folks get led down the back alley of the confusion around, "Should I want something out of meditation, should I expect something or have goals, and what's my motivation to begin if there's no goal?" That's basically a red herring, evidence of a lack of understanding (which is different than transcendental insight). It's the same as not knowing how to drive to Colorado State University from wherever you are--not evidence that you can't read a map or find the way on your own or figure out if you want to go.

Everybody needs a different amount of understanding, a unique proportion between understanding (along with curiosity, delight) and meditative stabilization (centeredness, groundedness, acceptance). With an emphasis on understanding, you can seem to cover more ground quickly. Problem is, when the going gets tough, you may feel like you KNOW how to handle things without being able to actually do or apply what you know. Other folks focus more on just concentrating and using good concentration to stabilize a sense of attention into tranquility or samadhi. The problem on that side--if it is overemphasized to the exclusion of understanding or fluidity--is that it's easy enough to feel solid but immobile. In that case, people start to feel attached to meditation and may avoid other aspects of their lives--which is fine for monks and nuns, not so healthy for the rest of us.

It seems to me that both (understanding-into-insight as well as samadhi) are very valuable, but both (as superficial conceptualization or, alternatively, as immobility) are also poison. Well, what then? If I don't want to go slower than necessary AND I don't really want to poison myself one way or another, what then? Really letting this question sink into my life and mind has helped me move towards a solid experience of mindfulness's application and value.

The A-ha! energy of insight is light and quick, but it can feel somewhat sporadic or thin when we don't know how to fully or thoroughly engage with it, when we haven't deeply established ourselves in/as it (as nonseparate with it). The essential lesson of nondoing that feeds into the stabilization can lead to immobility if we aren't sure how nondoing is not separate from doing. While there are various ways to break through, avoid, or crush this apparent dilemma, the suggestion to mindfully observe allows consistency in how one faces and begins to resolve it. With either enough insight or stability, the dilemma does not need to be engaged, but if it feels like a dilemma, something needs to happen!

An unskillful answer to the problem of insight's apparent inconsistency is to insist on stabilization, and an unskillful answer to the problem of stabilization's apparent immobility is to "lighten up", just be "spontaneous", or learn. With a limited perspective, someone could just stabilize their reliance on conceptualization (stay too conceptual or superficial) or "lighten up" about immobility being a problem (and stay unmoving). Those options won't work without complete commitment. (Maybe this is obvious to some folks, but I'm glad I've come to realize this.)

Mindfulness is an important part of both the ability to continue meditating and to take in new conceptual, sensory, and emotional material. Because it is central to both "paths", it is one solution to the dilemma. Rather than trying to slow down fast folks or speed up slow folks, rather than trying to work against someone's temperament like that, mindfulness encourages a shift from quantities (like fast/slow, insight/concentration, etc./etc.) to qualities of attention. You can't make curiosity or vitality faster or slower than someone's experience of it--can't force or insist about your own or someone else's meditation.

Previously, I've described mindfulness as a balance between focus and relaxation. But it's been really helpful for me to add the SENSE of mindfulness as a single stream of consciousness. Working with that has brought about the reconciliation of focus/stillness and movement. This way, I can experience the centeredness or groundedness of concentration along with the quicksilver brightness of movement or flow. While it's still new, not matured or thorough in me, knowing it very clearly, having it formed conceptually, gives me the foundation for certainty (and the requisite scientific or experimental polishing/adjustments as appropriate) and the space or time to keep working on it (playing with it) without being rushed or hesitant.

In all this, Ajahn Brahm's work has been excellent and complimentary to the Mahamudra and Madhyamika that I seem to have a greater affiliation for. Ajahn Brahm's teacher, Ajahn Chah's comments have seemed insightful and vital since I first came across them, and I am glad that all these folks took up their own paths and decided to share some of what they've found.