Easing into Meditation

I'm very curious about how different people get started with meditation. There's the crowd that has some sort of significant existential drive or need, and when they come across a certain philosophy or tradition, or when they find the right people, they jump right in. Then there is another group that seems to ease into it a little more.

I began taking meditation seriously about ten years ago when I had cancer, and my interest with what can happen has shifted all over the map since then. About four of those years have been influenced by significant back pain and spasms, and one with a significant focus on rehabilitation. I first picked up a copy of ZEN MIND, BEGINNER'S MIND and a book on dream yoga. I was fascinated by the idea of working on personal progress while I slept.

For the past eight or nine years, learning more about dream yoga has taken a back seat to other types of meditation, philosophy, psychology, travel, etc., but I've recently started feeling mindful during dreams. This is different than the feelings of lucidity and creativity that were predominant ten years ago. These dreams are similarly characterized by situations that are interesting or challenging, but rather than trying to benefit from imaginatively utilizing the magical-fluid-bright feelings and actions that dreams allow, I've recently been very careful, focused, and realistic about these dream situations.

Last night, a hillside where I was hiking began slipping away from under my feet. "Normally", I'd just fly wherever I wanted to. Instead, in this dream, I took a real interest in the rocks closest to me as well as looking at what occurred with the hillside overall. The closer a focus I took on what was happening near me, the less everything shifted. Eventually, the hillside solidified into a steep cliff face. Rather than trying to avoid being swept along in a landslide, I faced the challenge of carefully climbing off the ledge I was on.

These recent dream seem novel or new for a few reasons. The first is that the sense of time has changed. I focus now for what seems to be a very long time. In the past, when I tried to retain this degree of focus, I'd wake up from the effort. The second is the creativity and magical quality. Rather than imaginatively escaping or succeeding, I've been focusing closely on taking realistic steps. The third is that this all seems easier and more natural than getting into the more imaginative options I've dreamed before--but it feels no less fascinating than flying, intentionally changing the speed and direction of dreamtime, reading the minds of other characters (that one makes me laugh!), etc.

All in all, I still can't say I have a disciplined or consistent meditation practice but I'm not sure I'd want to. So many different things can come out of what we do with our imaginations, intentions, attention, and abilities that I think I mostly just continue to marvel at the variety and feel of what occurs. With back spasms as a consistent part of my history, it has often been easier to get focused while lying down. This has given me a slightly different experience than most beginning meditators who have done much of their practice while sitting, walking, or standing. While that has increased my awareness of how easy it is to get sleepy, it has also proven to me the value of engaging your muscles for a straight-but-relaxed posture and for learning how to remain focused when I feel very energetic AND when I have low energy.

I may have a different emphasis than many people I've met on what makes a meditation session feel "good" or "better" than the sessions that seem like they don't go anywhere in and of themselves. Anyway, I am glad to have communicated some of the differences between my own experiences and others'. It seems impressed into my body and mind just how unique everyone is, each path as well, and it is becoming simpler if not easier to notice this unique quality as well as unique aspects of each different moment.

It is very interesting to notice how the barriers between dreaming and waking states seem to break down--dreaming becoming more realistic and focused, waking being more fluid and bright. It seems that having an open heart and a degree of comfort or security in this present relationship has helped create a context for further explorations. There is the feeling that I am "knocking on the door" to awareness in the deep sleep state and that the profundity and stability of this state is often "knocking on the door" of my consciousness fairly regularly when I am awake. More than looking for one form of measurement of actualization or another, it is really just fun to notice all these changes.